Parenting Style, Achievements, Improvement Points in 2 Years of Parenting
There is probably no parent who doesn’t has almost unrealistic expectations of herself or himself before their first child arrives. You might get all jittery and panic that you will never be able to do it but somewhere in your mind, you also have a scheme regarding how you want to bring up your child. Then the child arrives and very few of us can actually do all what we had envisioned doing. Many idealistic Parenting standards go for a toss and some real situations take their place. Everything you do as a parent is determined by your Parenting Style. Let’s take a quick look at different Parenting Styles-
Types of Parenting Style
According to Parenting For Brain, Parenting Style is determined by Parents’ Demanding-ness and Responsiveness-
Authoritative Parenting– When a parent is very demanding of their child but also has a supportive and encouraging response. Kids of such parents feel secure and have a healthy mental growth.
Authoritarian Parenting- Such parents are highly demanding but don’t have an affectionate response towards the child. Kids in such households might feel unhappy and have low self esteem.
Permissive Parenting- When there are no demands and just indulgence for every whim of the child. Kids who are brought up by permissive parents are mostly egotistic and have poor social skills.
Neglectful Parenting- No demands, no response. Such parents are completely uninvolved in their children’s lives. Neglectful parents make their kids emotionally weak and impulsive.
It’s obvious that Authoritative parenting is the right way to go. I am mostly authoritative but become authoritarian when frustrated.
We all learn, unlearn and find what works best for us and the children. There is always scope for improvement but it in no way means that we should start following someone else’s Parenting Style blindly.
I keep analyzing my Parenting Style and try to make amends. Success comes to me sometimes but not always. Mothering my girl for two years made me introspect and I have come up with a small list of the main points that impacted how Idhaya is turning out to be and how I am evolving. This small list is by no means a definitive guide regarding what a parent should or shouldn’t do; it’s just what I do or want to do or don’t want to do. You might relate with some points while smirk at others but please do share your opinion and experience in comments.
My Little Parenting Wins
Like every other mom, I read up a lot about zero screen-time for the child till the age of two. I wanted to do it but as Idhaya grew, I realized that I need something really attractive and engaging to keep her completely occupied for about an hour per day. I need that time to finish some households or just to have tea in peace so TV time was introduced when Idhaya was about 11 months. She watched Baby TV while I quickly finished the work at hand. I still give her TV time almost daily but it is completely under my control and mobile phones are off limits.
Interest in Reading
She enjoyed looking at books from the start but wouldn’t sit through them. Initially, I used to feel disappointed but later realized that I can only expose her to different things and it’s up to her to develop her interests. I kept reading to her and by 1.5 years, Idhaya got into the habit of reading before bed time. Now she is totally into books and picks at least 4-5 books daily on her own. Obviously, I read to her but many times she just picks a few and looks at them for many minutes. We read about 10 books daily.
Naughty and Full of Life
As taxing as an active toddler can be, it’s good to know that she is so energetic and keeps exploring all the time. We try not to stop her from doing things unless they can be harmful.
The Beginning of Speaking
Idhaya started speaking a little late compared to many other babies I know. Her first word came when she was almost 15 months and for the next 6-7 months, she added just about 20 more words to her vocabulary. I wasn’t worried but wanted to hear her speak for sure. I kept talking and reading to her. She started picking up words by the time she was 22 months old and has been going well since. She speaks a lot of words now and forms sentences with 2-3 words. I am hoping that she will be a chatterbox by her third birthday.
Learning the Basics
I don’t follow any specific way to teach her various things. Sometimes it’s flash cards while at others I show her random objects to teach her colors, rhymes, numbers and parts of body etc. She knows colors, body-parts, animals along with some other things. She has the cutest way of saying ‘Thank You’ whenever anyone gives her something.
I wanted to send her to playschool by the time she was 2 but couldn’t find anything good at walking distance (can’t drive) and didn’t want to send her via school transport yet so probably she will start school when she is 3. Till then, fun is the only thing she is going to do.
Her potty-training started 10 days after her second birthday and she is daytime potty trained now. I will cover this on my blog soon.
The Side that Needs Work
This is where I keep faltering. I get angry very easily and yell at her. Everyone knows that it’s wrong but still I lose it before I can stop myself. It’s really easy to push my buttons. Anger is my weakness and I keep feeling Mom Guilt due to it. Even though I am better than before, there’s still a long way to go.
Idhaya insists that I be with her every second of the day. She plays and reads independently but rarely for more that 10 minutes. I have to sit next to her and if I start with some chore, she asks me to pick her up. It gets really frustrating but I think it will be like this till she starts school. Clinginess is no one’s fault in my view but I certainly want to get over this phase the soonest.
I might have missed out on some points and will add more if something very important comes to mind. Do you also analyze your Parenting Style? A happy child shows that whatever you are doing is right if not perfect because perfection is an illusion. Tell me your strengths and weaknesses as a parent in the comments below.